Lourdes Vargas-Bogardus, MFT
Providing individual and couples therapy in Marin, CA utilizing the Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) approach. Learn More“If you change the music, you change the dance” – Sue Johnson
About Me
Lourdes Vargas-Bogardus, MFT
Services
Providing EFT for Couples in Marin, CA
About EFT Therapy
Learn more about the Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) approach.
Contact Me
Get in touch to learn more about working together.
My Mission & Vision
You deserve a therapist who gets you and who is committed to helping you. I became a therapist over two decades ago because I enjoy assisting people to explore themselves and break through the personal blocks that keep them from living life fully. I listen to your story intuitively. In doing so, together we can arrive at new understandings that will benefit you. I work by providing a safe atmosphere where we develop a relationship of trust and respect.
My approach is experiential, rooted in mindfulness and incorporates your personal history involving your important relationships. I trust that what’s going on with individuals and couples right now will provide the basis to discover answers that create new equilibrium and fulfillment. I will be focused on you all the way.
For the first half of my career I worked with children and families who were undergoing very difficult situations such as personal trauma, domestic violence, child abuse and neglect and victims of crime. I worked in the public sector as well as in private practice. In the past 10 years, I’ve been passionate about working with individual adults and couples. I am fully bilingual (Spanish- English) and bicultural.
Services
Couples Therapy
Working with couples is an area of expertise and special interest. My approach to working with couples is based on Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT.) EFT is a powerful attachment-based model which research shows is very effective at creating sustained positive changes with couples.
Couples have the fundamental need for a safe connection with their partner. When feeling stuck, defensive, hurt, angry, or questioning where their relationship is heading, I help you find ways to reconnect and begin to speak the language of love. Whether you are in a new relationship, have been together for many years, or are wondering if you can go on, I can help you re-discover your strong emotional foundation.
Read More about Couples Therapy
When couples find themselves in a recurring negative cycle or interaction, they are:
- Feeling resentful and taken for granted.
- Feeling misunderstood, hurt, alone.
- Feeling defensive, angry; lacking closeness and intimacy.
- They are not able to co-parent effectively.
Other reasons that couples come into therapy are:
- Major life transitions.
- Feeling betrayal.
- Recovering from an extramarital affair.
- Premarital concerns.
- Or they need help separating in a more positive way for the sake of the children.
When couples are distressed, they usually find themselves in a recurring negative cycle of conflict:
- lacking closeness and intimacy, emotionally and sexually
- having the same arguments over and over or constantly arguing
- feeling hurt, alone, defensive and angry
- feeling resentful, taken for granted, or misunderstood
- feeling unsafe to talk to their partner about vulnerable feelings
- feeling like they don’t matter or aren’t good enough in their partner’s eyes
Benefits of Couples Therapy:
- an enhanced feeling of connection and attunement to your partner
- increased emotional and physical intimacy
- enhanced sense of safety and security in the relationship
- deeper understanding of your own and your partner’s fears and needs
The most successful/ happy couples are the ones that the relationship is based on emotional connection.
Sometimes couples come to therapy when they feel it’s too late to stay in the relationship and they need help with separating peacefully. Oftentimes this situation involves raising children together and financial issues. I will explore with you the reasons for your decision and ways to respectfully separate if that’s your goal.
Contraindications in Couples’ therapy:
Couples who are in abusive relationships (whether it is physical or emotional abuse) should not expect improvement in therapy until the abusive behavior stops. Separate therapy is often recommended for each partner in order to work towards self-control or to maintain safety. If on the other hand your goal is to separate [with as minimal conflict as possible], I can help with that.
Substance abuse in the absence of physical or emotional abuse does not preclude couples therapy as long as the addicted person is actively working to manage the addiction.
Services
Transforming Pain into Growth
I have a special interest and professional training in working with family estrangenment issues. Parent/adult child estrangement is a painful and complicated experience which appears to be on the raise. There are many reasons for this situation to develop over time and every family is different. I can help by offering emotional support and, specific strategies (with a coaching approach) to help navigate this complex issue. Whether the process leads to family reconciliation, radical acceptance, or daily personal maintenance, I will listen to and support you with transforming pain into growth.
Services
Transforming Pain into Growth
I have a special interest and professional training in working with family estrangenment issues. Parent/adult child estrangement is a painful and complicated experience which appears to be on the raise. There are many reasons for this situation to develop over time and every family is different. I can help by offering emotional support and, specific strategies (with a coaching approach) to help navigate this complex issue. Whether the process leads to family reconciliation, radical acceptance, or daily personal maintenance, I will listen to and support you with transforming pain into growth.
Services
Individual Therapy
Perhaps you are going through a life transition and need support sorting things out. Maybe you are feeling anxious or depressed and this is bogging you down. Are you having difficulty visualizing a better life for yourself? Is your sense of self worth suffering? I can help you realize your potential. Maybe you are experiencing strained relationships with family or friends. You have a nagging feeling that major changes are needed; we can sort this out together. Let’s talk, you don’t have to go through this alone.